Eat. Pray. Move.

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Getting to the gym is the worst; just the thought of moving on a treadmill exhausts me.  When I actually do arrive start moving around and pick up momentum, the dopamines increase and by the time I leave, I feel like I can take on any delicious temptation in my way…Until nachos are put in front of my face.

Being little and overweight is brutal enough, but being little, overweight, diabetic AND a woman?!  The obstacles seem impossible to overcome.  I’ve lost count how many times I’ve fallen off the health and fitness wagon.  I’ve lost count how many Monday’s I’ve let passed to start eating healthy and going back to the gym again.  And of course I’ve lost count how many New Year’s fitness resolution I’ve broken for a healthy lifestyle change.  IT’S HARD!!!!  I have an insurmountable respect for people are disciplined to stay on track with staying healthy and eating well.  The odds are against most people and yet they move through those obstacles like tasty soft, buttery mashed potatoes.

Then I realize something…I may have failed over and over again, but I never give up.  I slip and give in to the temptation – too many times – but I always start again.  That’s exactly what people with discipline have gone through as well.  I’ve yet to meet a fitness trainer who not failed in the pass either; instead, they got back up and tried again.  Hell, even my cousin, who is a fitness trainer gives in to temptation sometimes, but that never discourages his focus and motivation for staying healthy.  He’ll be the first to admit, staying healthy in this day is age is really tough.  With every other commercial on television advertising food, fast food is cheaper and more convenient than ever and most social gatherings happen in restaurants and the kitchen.  Adversity is everywhere!

Working out is no picnic either; being little at a gym can be intimidating.  Treadmills are all good for me, but some of these machines are not little people friendly, but I still try them, because that’s what us shorty’s need to do.  It can be embarrassing to try a machine – feeling like everyone is watching because they are curious too – only to find it you can’t use, then feel like everyone feels sorry for you or worse amused by you.  All I can do is move on and try something else or modify a workout to have the same results.  I do really enjoy one aspect of working out at the gym – free weights area – the area that most woman avoid because of all the testosterone.  Free weights are awesome for little people.  This is where being a little woman has a major advantage, I will walk up to that area, pick up a weight and take a bench and start doing my thing – the big, burly men give me my space.  Usually I’m the only woman in the area, but then something funny yet very cool happens, other woman will start walking over to the area and start working out too.  I like to think I’m a motivator!  I’m sure some of these women think, “oh, if she can do it…”  It’s my favorite part about going to the gym.

I’m going to try again and am determined to stick with a healthy lifestyle.  No, I’m not waiting for next Monday or next year; I’m not waiting anymore to commit to my health.  Now, I realize I picked the worse time of the year to start, with the holidays here, but if I can can avoid the temptation throughout the holidays, next year will be a cake.

As my cousins says, “Winners Make Commitments”.

As Close to Imagine As You Will Get.

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I honestly didn’t know what to write for this post and still kind of don’t; but I was sifting through my pictures on my phone and purging.  I then came across several pictures I took while on a beach trip to Southern California this past Summer.  I am obsessed with sunsets on the beach, I’ve witness so many beach sunsets and they never get old.  I know this sounds cliché, but it has always been like a religious experience to me…And I have too many pictures to prove it.   The beach at sunset is my happy place, my safe haven.

But, then maybe it is not so cliché.  There are so many different people who are congregating in one area and not just couples having a romantic moment; there are families, friends, and even strangers who come together in a peaceful setting to see how truly beautiful the world can be.  And whether you are religious or not, doesn’t matter; it is a natural setting that anyone and everyone is welcome to enjoy and hopefully appreciate.  It is as close to the John Lennon song Imagine as you will witness.  I have seen so many sunsets and I can honestly say, I have never heard an argument being heard during a sunset.  There is no talk of building a wall, shootings, or any hateful rhetoric.  You do hear some laughter, children shouting,  and some calm conversation; but once the sun starts to set all you hear are the waves.  Everyone’s guard is down, it is peaceful, we are one, and everything is alright with the world.  It is a two minute miracle.

Then the sun disappears and reality sets back in, but we set back into reality with a calmness that we didn’t realize we were missing.  There is relief and the heaviness of the day, week, or year seem a little lighter; almost like the sun’s gravity pulled out some of your worries and fears.

I wish I could take everyone I care for and love to watch a sunset with me, all together.  If you ever have the opportunity, take a moment for yourself the next time you’re by the ocean.

We are all the same next to the ocean, we are all small wonders next to a massive mystery.

 

Tongs…They’re my favorite.

I’m a bit of an irony, for a really short person I’m actually kind of leggy and have kind of long, lean arms; but I’m still short so of course I still have trouble reaching for things.  Damn, when I go to the grocery store to get a few things I need and one of the items I really do need is on the top shelf.  If I really don’t need it, then I say to myself, “I guess I don’t need it that bad” and move on; but if it’s an ingredient for a recipe and there is no way to go around it, then I scope out a normal height person and ask “may I borrow your height”?  It’s actually very clever and so far it has never failed; but being a short person I am naturally proud.  If there is even a slight chance I can reach for something myself, I will act like I’m still searching for the item and wait until the coast is clear and take the challenge.  I’ve done some pretty risky (more like stupid) maneuvers because of my pride, use a can as a stepping stool and climbing on shelves, but since I’m becoming more aware that I don’t want to risk falling down – along with breaking the shelves and possibly a bone or two and my ego- I’ve gone MacGyver and starting using a common item for a not so inventive use…Tongs.

I’m certainly not the first short person to use this idea, but I guess this post is more of homage (strong word, I know) to tongs.  They are truly a huge help for us shorties.  Spatulas get an honorable mention, but spatulas cannot grab an item, though they are very helping at moving an item closer.   Tongs have not only help with grabbing items from a high shelf, but it has helped me from having to grab a step stool and turn off the ceiling fan light – hey no judging, we all get lazy sometimes.   My cousin/roommate recently injured his foot and could not turn off his ceiling fan light, no worries; tongs to the rescue.

This is what’s really invaluable about kitchen utensils for myself as a short person; they make me feel a bit more confident because I can help turn off that light that is out of my reach for an injured relative or that can of tomato sauce that I need to make a tasty meal for me and my roommates.   It’s more than just a pair to tongs, it’s an extension of being a little more self sufficient.  It’s a lesson my mom taught me at an early age when I was around 8 years old she wanted me to start washing dishes, I remember looking at the sink like Mt. Everest, and saying “I can’t reach the dishes”, her response, “here’s a chair”.  Asking for help is not easy for anyone, but for me, it has always been a challenge.

I know I am a fortunate that I am able to reach a little bit higher than a lot of little people and that everyday obstacles are not challenging, so I certainly do not take for granted what God gave me to work with; but, yes I need to swallow my pride and learn to ask for help more often, but I’ll try the tongs first.

It’s been awhile.

What I lack in stature I make up with procrastination and laziness.  It’s a gift and a curse and it can be quite charming.  That is a load of shit and I’m sorry.  In all seriousness, I have not made the time to write more, which is frustrating, because this blog was supposed to help with my 2017 New Years resolution of writing more.  This year has been such a disappointment in this department.  Luckily, I don’t give up so easily; I just tend to put others first before my passion.  Maybe karma will repay me for my selflessness someday.

Originally, this blog was supposed to concentrate more on my life as a 4’6″ woman; but, I’m more than just a pretty face on a very short body.  First and foremost, I am a human being; I am a women.  I have the same interests as anyone else, I love books, music, movies, and television;  I don’t have a glamorous job, and I really need to eat a more healthy diet and go the gym more; how else am I going to capture a sugar daddy?  Just kidding, I’m an independent, strong woman; I don’t need no man, unless I can’t open a jar then I become a baby talking damsel in distress.  And no offense to the women with sugar daddies, more power to you, I ain’t mad – especially if you have yourself a good, honest man; no man is perfect, but there are still some good ones out there.

Let me at least catch you up on what I have been doing this year.  I still have my job, I say “still”, because there was a layoff at my job earlier this year and we lost quite a few good workers and friends.  It shook us to our core; though we had a feeling, but like anything bad, you are never prepared for the emotions that hit you.  The worse part is that you don’t see these people as much as you like; you go from seeing them everyday to “she posted on Facebook”.  A good friend of mine was one of the casualties of the layoff and since July we have been saying we will get together at the end of the month…It’s October and we still haven’t seen each other.  With the holidays coming, we’ll just have to wait until the New Year – there is New Years resolution.  I know this may come across as immature and a bit selfish, but I miss my friend, I miss our conversations.  Life happens and adulting is such an inconvenience.  Sometimes social media is a weird blessing.

My mom is a television connoisseur, she knows television, it’s her escape and her passion.  She encouraged me to watch The Handmaid’s Tale, I’m sure many of you have seen it.  If you haven’t, what the hell is wrong with you?   It’s so worth the Hulu 30 day trial!  Moms also introduced me to This Is Us, more like This Is Amazing!  I’m not big on network shows; this is a must!!!  I’m not a touchy feely person, not an emotional woman; yet this show tugs at my heart strings:  Every. Single. Time.   Seriously, watch it people; if you don’t like it, you are heartless.   On Netflix, The Crown is brilliant!  It’s about the young Queen Elizabeth.  If you’re into history and the British Monarchy, get to watchin’!  I’m super excited for Stranger Things new episodes coming up later this week.  I also, began the new Netflix show Mindhunter.  I’m still in the middle of watching that show, so  the verdict is still out.

I may not have had an overly productive year, so far 2017 has been mediocre.  Not really much to complain about, only that I didn’t put in my full potential for a sensational change.  I’m still single, broke, and trying to lose that weight.  That’s okay, there is always next year.   Continue reading

When I was little, I thought we would all grow up to be giants.

I honestly don’t know why I thought such a thought. I was 4 or 4 years old kid, who would often go away in my own head – which I still do. I distinctively remember riding in the backseat of my mom’s car, she stopped at a red light or stop sign and there was this really tall man standing at the corner; that’s when I had my crazy prediction. Why, did I think such a thought? I have no idea, but I remember wondering after I saw this giant on the corner, when do we stop growing? I then proceeded to answer my own question and it was ridiculous; we would all grow up to be giants.

The funny part of all this was that I never thought about my preposterous conclusion until a few years later. It wasn’t until I starting going to the children’s hospital to start seeing a doctor about growth hormones when I was nine. When he was explaining to my mom and me in more detail about my growth lack of growth spurt and the process of taking growth hormones, I must have had a confused look, maybe it was the disappointed look instead. I don’t remember if he asked if I had any questions or thoughts, I just remember telling him, “I thought we all grow up to be giants”. I don’t remember his reaction, I just remember seeing the guilt on my mom’s face. That’s when I realized I was wrong.

Now, I know I’m a lucky one. I’m really short, but I’m physically able and I’m grateful for such a blessing, but it’s still a battle. I have had my share of disappointments, some trivial, some heartbreaking, but many don’t compare to when I realized that I was not going to grow up to be a giant. It was the moment that shaped the rest of my life and how I would grow not only physically but mentally. And the mind can be a cruel companion to the physical.

It is a battle of the mind that I will have to fight every day of my life and it can be quite exhausting; that is where the heart takes over.

R.I.P. 2016

I am looking at my social media today; since today is New Year’s Day, the news feed is crammed with inspirational quotes and resolutions. I’ve noticed as the years have progressed, that resolutions are becoming less about vanity and more about concentrating on the quality of life. Being a better parent, spouse, friend, etc. Which I wholeheartedly appreciate, people need to be more in tune with the importance of being closer to their loved ones and being a better person. But what concerns me is that people tend to have short term memories, and old habits are hard to break. As a good friend of mine says, “old habits don’t die, they hibernate”. This may sound quite cynical and I apologize for my cynicism, but my view of this world is much different than many. Hell, maybe my cynical ways are a product of broken promises and disappointments, but the view down here can be disenchanting and you see pass the BS of people’s words. In all fairness, change is hard. It takes a special dedication to change, especially if you have been set in a certain way(s) for years. I too am guilty of broken promises and disappointments.

So, here is my resolution. I am going to try to be not so cynical and communicate more with words. I am not much of talker, I have alway preferred to write then chat. I am going to try and let go of situations that I have no control over, I am going to try not to care too much. Let me explain that one, I tend to be overprotective and put too much effort into my relationships with my family and friends. As much as I care and love them all; I have to accept the hard truth that I cannot save them all. I have to learn to let go and let them learn their own hard lessons. I have to put me first; that will be the toughest part of the “new me”. Maybe, this is a lot for me to change, but like everyone else, I have to at least try…And maybe even turn to those inspirational quotes for a reminder.

I wish you all happiness, good health, and blessings for 2017. 2016 was a crummy year, and one I am happy to leave quickly behind, like a short term memory.

Boxing Day…Phew.

I’ve always relished Boxing Day; why you may ask because Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. I have always found Christmas to be synonymous with stress. The writing of Christmas cards, numerous festivities, and the gifts! Oh my, the gifts! I hate shopping and even worse, I hate being broke. Even worse, I hate being broke and still trying to play the numbers game to figure how I am going to be able to afford gifts that most likely will be forgotten before the New Year. Maybe I should have been an Elf on the Shelf for parties, but I’m not big on being a mannequin. Look, I’m not knocking if you enjoy Christmas; there is absolutely nothing wrong with anything that brings you joy. But in my personal opinion, Christmas has always been about the gifts with too many people.

There is another reason I do not care for Christmas…And I will not delve too much into this for on this post, because in all honesty, I’m not ready. As I get older, my heart hurts a bit more because I do not have a family of my own to celebrate the season with. I see my friend’s and other members of my family and their families, they have the best gift of all – a family to create amazing memories. Yes, I have my mom, dad, siblings, and other members of my family, but I do not have a husband or children. Maybe someday I will, but for now, it is just not in the cards. The loneliness can be especially heartbreaking around Christmas time, so when December 26 hits, there is this sigh of relief and my heart does not ache so much.

So, if you feel overstressed to the point of having an anxiety attack because you are trying to provide a perfect Christmas for your family; just take a breath, NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT. Remember, you are providing memories with your family that they will never forget and reminiscing about these memories is a gift that is priceless and it doesn’t cost a thing.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas full of beautiful memories.