Seems like every Friday, I think about finding a new job and I say I’m going to work on my resume or update my LinkedIn over the weekend; then suddenly it’s already Monday morning and my alarm is going off. I get up and start making myself breakfast – I actually make myself a good breakfast, no cereal or protein shakes, like solid food – and I as I am sitting at the kitchen table eating my half ass gourmet breakfast, I realize my motivation is at a deficiency level. You always hear adulting is hard: It really is! And I’m not talking about just working to pay the mortgage or rent, utilities, groceries, etc. The emotions of being an adult is insane and I think of the Albert Einstein quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. Some may describe the grown up, endless routine of going to work and going home as security, and there is nothing wrong with that mentality. The world revolves around routine. Some may argue routine prevents us from living our lives to the fullest, but everyone has a different view of how to live life to the fullest. However you all look at it, it’s all good as long as you personally are content.
But I on the other hand, am going insane. And yet motivation takes so much energy. I’m not lazy, but I fight with depression at times and so far depression is kicking my ass. My mind is constantly turning, so much that I don’t even know what I’m thinking about anymore. Numb. That is what I am becoming, numb. My days are so redundant, I can make do with my eyes closed. My routine is becoming a blur; for a while now my days just feel like one loooong day.
I don’t know. I’m sorry if this post just seems like nonsense and I stepped away from the RSS subject this time. I just need to vent sometimes.